Just waiting and wondering

If you've been reading this blog since the beginning you might remember that I'm hoping and looking to get back into the workforce after being a stay at home mom for 9 years. You may even remember that back in November I applied for a dream job.

I've been waiting and wondering about that position since then.  The dream job was with a University and Universities are incredibly slow with their hiring process (at least in my experience) so I've been trying to practice patience.  This is not easy for me. 

While I've been waiting and wondering I've kind of been holding on to and polishing that dream.  I built it up in my head, how great I would be at the job (I would be, that's not a joke), how great the job would be for my family (that is total conjecture, of course), how much I would love going to work every day, all the excellent things we would do with the piles of new-found money this job would provide (okay, so piles might be an exaggeration but extra money for extra things, including paying off my student loans with greater speed, would be nice, no denying) .  I've been building that dream job up into something it couldn't possibly be.

This week I learned that I am not among the candidates that were selected for an interview.  And my dream came crashing down.  The thing about dreams is that they aren't reality (aren't you glad you read this blog for all the stunning bits of wisdom I share, like that special bit).  I know that when I go back to work it will create some difficulty for my family.  I know that there will be things about my working that will be a challenge, for me and for everyone else.  It won't be all sunshine and flowers.  But it will be purposeful and challenging and good.  I look forward to going back to work.  

I never intended to be unemployed for this long.  Honestly, I've been quietly watching for a good position since we moved here.  Okay, that's probably a lie.  Let's say I've been watching for the last 6 years, since my baby was a year old.  There haven't been a lot of available positions in my field in those 6 years.  But the last 6 months have been a kind of explosion in my profession, at least in this area.  So I've been applying.  And it's hard.  It's hard for me to get certain positions in my field because I am too qualified.  It's hard for me to get other positions in my field because I have too little experience.  It's hard to know, in general, if I'll even remember how to be a librarian.  

So, the dream job is gone, at least for now.  The thing about dreams is that they are always in the background.  Maybe a dream job will reappear again someday.  For the time being I am waiting to hear on 3 other positions for which I've applied.  Until then, I'll be here, just waiting and wondering.